Are You There, God? It's Me, Edward

Title: Are You There, God? It's Me, Edward
Pairing: Edward/Bella's blood
Word Count: 2,197
Summary: In which it is a certain time of the month for Bella, and even Edward Cullen has trouble being a gentleman sometimes.
Author's Note: Hahaha, this is so hideously crass! And ‘hideously crass’ is so not my normal forte. But I am rereading this book for reasons of morbid curiosity and extreme literary laziness, and I’m sorry, but after experiencing the chapter wherein Edward details exactly how crazy it drives him to even, like, smell Bella while her blood is in her veins, I just don’t get how he could handle this particular situation. At least without it being super lolz-y. And yes, I know that SMeyer was once confronted with this very question and replied something along the lines of, Edward noticed but was too much of a gentleman to say anything.

To which I say … yeah, right, okay.




( The phone rings five minutes before Edward leaves to pick up Bella for school. )