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dollsomeI was going to just post this one on AO3, but there's something that just feels wrong about not putting my stories on LJ! So here we go. :) This is very silly and, I suppose, set in an AU early series 3?
True True Love (And Other Disasters) - The Lady Vivian comes back to Camelot to claim her one true love Prince Arthur. Things get silly, and Arthur and Merlin are forced to concoct an elaborate charade. In which they're in love.
+++
One day, entirely without warning, Princess Vivian returns to Camelot.
To be more specific, she shows up in the dead of night, takes out every guard and knight in her path with a series of fancy kicks and perky war cries, and rouses Arthur from his good night’s sleep.
Merlin happens to be in the room at the time; he was startled out of that nice pre-sleep fuzzy brained feeling by the realization that Arthur is out of clean socks. As such, he’s scrambling around the room gathering up all of Arthur’s dirty socks when Vivian makes her entrance.
Clean socks swiftly become the least of anybody’s problems.
“Hello, my love!” Vivian trills, folding her arms over her chest and revealing that they are distinctly more toned than last time they saw her. (Her arms, that is, not her ... well. Those look nice too.) She’s dressed in breeches, a black cloak, and a rose pink blouse. Merlin can’t help but think that she looks rather dashing. “Have you missed me?”
Arthur can do nothing besides gape at her and rub a hand over his sleep-mussed hair.
“Lady Vivian,” he manages at last. “I—I—”
“Love you?” Vivian suggests sweetly.
“No!” Arthur says. The royal prat definitely isn’t on his game yet. He realizes his mistake quickly. “I mean. Uhhhh. That’s not to say you’re not looking ... lovely, because you are.”
“Dashing, I thought,” Merlin contributes, figuring it can only help.
“Yes, that’s just it. Dashing. Thank you, Merlin. Wait. Merlin? What are you doing here? You haven’t been watching me sleep again, have you?”
“No, I haven’t,” Merlin says quickly, feeling his face heat up. “And that last time, that wasn’t because I wanted to be watching you sleep. ‘Cause I don’t. No, that was all because of ...”
Magic, but he can’t very well say that.
“Well?” Arthur says impatiently.
“... you snore,” Merlin finishes abruptly. “It’s not healthy. Bad sinuses.”
“I do not snore.”
“You really do.”
“Merlin. I do not. SNORE.”
“You really do, though.”
“Shut up!” Vivian thunders.
Arthur and Merlin fall silent.
“There,” she says, tittering. “Good.”
It occurs to Merlin then and there that he should probably be afraid.
Vivian invites herself into Arthur’s bed, bouncing down onto the foot of it and then crawling up beside him. “Now, my dearest, darlingest prince, haven’t you missed me? I know I’ve missed you! Why, I haven’t thought of anything else in absolute years! And do you know, for the first several months after our cruel parting, all I did was mope. Mope, mope, mope. Very prettily, mind you, but still! It got so boring! ‘When will Arthur come to me? When will my love remember me?’ and so on and so forth. I got very good at doing this.”
She sighs dramatically and swoons onto Arthur’s shoulder, draping a hand over her forehead.
Arthur scrambles out away from her and nearly topples off the bed.
“Not a very substantial shoulder there, is it?” Vivian says, wrinkling her nose judgmentally at Arthur’s shoulder.
Merlin snorts.
Arthur massages his shoulder, offended, while Vivian continues her monologue. “But then I realized I was going about it all wrong. Love isn’t about waiting around for your happy ending to happen to you! You have to go out and grab it with your bare and perfectly manicured hands!!” She mimes grabbing the air. Violently. Arthur flinches. “And so I spent a year training with my father’s knights; they were a little reluctant at first, but they learned early on not to cross me! Do you know, people are forever learning not to cross me. Hmm. Isn’t that funny? Anyway. You—” Vivian pokes Arthur’s nose, “—are my happy ending, Arthur Pendragon, and here I am! Grabbing you!”
And she does grab him. Enthusiastically.
“You can’t just grab me,” Arthur protests futilely, trying to escape. “I’m prince of Camelot. I have responsibilities in this kingdom that demand my foremost attention. I’m going to be king one day!”
“And I’m going to be queeeeeen!” Vivian sings right into his ear, up until Arthur clamps a hand over it.
“Vivian, I assure you, I’m deeply flattered, but I simply cannot reciprocate your feelings,” Arthur says firmly. “I sort of have a ...”
“AHEM, AHEM, AHEM,” Merlin says, doing his best to produce a sudden coughing fit. There’s no way bringing Gwen into this situation is a good idea.
Luckily, Arthur realizes the same thing. “... vow. Not to fall in love until I’ve ... become the best person I can be.” Merlin winces at the lousy excuse, and Arthur replies with a Well, what should I have said, genius? expression that’s frankly a little offensive.
“You can claim not to love me all you like,” Vivian says, untroubled. “It doesn’t change the fact that you’re coming with me. You’ll realize how much you love me in time! Either way, we’re getting married as soon as we possibly can. We must get started on our little blonde babies!”
“You can’t just kidnap a prince,” Arthur protests.
“Oh, but I’m pretty sure I can,” Vivian replies.
Arthur springs out of bed and assumes a defensive stance. “I warn you, my lady. I’ve been trained to kill since birth.”
Merlin groans inwardly. You’d think he would have come up with a new line by now.
“Well, you certainly haven’t been trained to flirt,” Vivian replies, unimpressed.
“Hey!” Arthur frowns. “You said you loved me.”
“I do love you. Always and forever, madly, dizzyingly, with the pure bold fire of a thousand suns.” She pauses to look Arthur up and down, her nose scrunching up disdainfully. “But I’m not an idiot.”
Arthur looks rather affronted.
“You’re coming with me and that’s that,” Vivian finishes perkily.
“I will not hurt you, Princess,” Arthur says, a warning in his voice.
“No,” Vivian agrees, “you won’t,” and hoists Arthur up over her shoulder like it’s the easiest thing in the world.
Merlin knows this isn’t the time for delighted laughter, but. Well.
Meanwhile, Arthur flails. “What? What are you – this is just – hey! Put me down!”
“Nope,” Vivian says serenely. “If you’re going to behave like a child, then I’m going to treat you like one.”
“Why—are—you—so—strong—? And where are all the guards? Guards!!”
“Where true love is involved, a girl can do anything. Including incapacitate one silly little group of knights. Now come along, darling! We’ve got to find the perfect place to be married. Not here, obviously. I’m still bored from my last visit to your sad little kingdom.”
“You mean the visit where you met me, your true love, and your life was forever altered?” Arthur asks rather blandly. “You were bored then?”
Vivian is unaffected. “Your castle is very drafty.”
“Fine,” Arthur says after a long time. “I will go with you peacefully, and not because I’m afraid of you.”
“You’re a little afraid,” Vivian says knowingly.
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Am not—” Arthur realizes just what he’s up to, gives up the competition, and says, “At least let me bring Merlin.”
“What’s Merlin?” Vivian asks. Judging by the look on her face, she doesn’t have very high expectations.
“He’s Merlin.” Arthur points. “My servant.”
Vivian throws over a long, scrutinizing gaze. Despite himself Merlin starts to feel nervous.
“All right,” she says at last with an unimpressed shrug. “But I hope you know his ears are rather big.”
“Believe me, I know,” Arthur says gravely. Merlin makes a face at him. “Would you, er. Be so kind as to set me down so I can dress, please?”
“If you insist,” Vivian sighs, lowering him. “But I get to watch.” She giggles gleefully.
Arthur stares up at the ceiling like he’s begging it to pull him up out of the situation at hand. The ceiling does not oblige.
Sighing, Arthur commands, “Merlin, get me a fresh pair of socks.”
“Um,” Merlin says. “About that ...”
And so a new adventure begins, with no clean socks to speak of.
Chapter 2 - the adventure continues!
True True Love (And Other Disasters) - The Lady Vivian comes back to Camelot to claim her one true love Prince Arthur. Things get silly, and Arthur and Merlin are forced to concoct an elaborate charade. In which they're in love.
+++
One day, entirely without warning, Princess Vivian returns to Camelot.
To be more specific, she shows up in the dead of night, takes out every guard and knight in her path with a series of fancy kicks and perky war cries, and rouses Arthur from his good night’s sleep.
Merlin happens to be in the room at the time; he was startled out of that nice pre-sleep fuzzy brained feeling by the realization that Arthur is out of clean socks. As such, he’s scrambling around the room gathering up all of Arthur’s dirty socks when Vivian makes her entrance.
Clean socks swiftly become the least of anybody’s problems.
“Hello, my love!” Vivian trills, folding her arms over her chest and revealing that they are distinctly more toned than last time they saw her. (Her arms, that is, not her ... well. Those look nice too.) She’s dressed in breeches, a black cloak, and a rose pink blouse. Merlin can’t help but think that she looks rather dashing. “Have you missed me?”
Arthur can do nothing besides gape at her and rub a hand over his sleep-mussed hair.
“Lady Vivian,” he manages at last. “I—I—”
“Love you?” Vivian suggests sweetly.
“No!” Arthur says. The royal prat definitely isn’t on his game yet. He realizes his mistake quickly. “I mean. Uhhhh. That’s not to say you’re not looking ... lovely, because you are.”
“Dashing, I thought,” Merlin contributes, figuring it can only help.
“Yes, that’s just it. Dashing. Thank you, Merlin. Wait. Merlin? What are you doing here? You haven’t been watching me sleep again, have you?”
“No, I haven’t,” Merlin says quickly, feeling his face heat up. “And that last time, that wasn’t because I wanted to be watching you sleep. ‘Cause I don’t. No, that was all because of ...”
Magic, but he can’t very well say that.
“Well?” Arthur says impatiently.
“... you snore,” Merlin finishes abruptly. “It’s not healthy. Bad sinuses.”
“I do not snore.”
“You really do.”
“Merlin. I do not. SNORE.”
“You really do, though.”
“Shut up!” Vivian thunders.
Arthur and Merlin fall silent.
“There,” she says, tittering. “Good.”
It occurs to Merlin then and there that he should probably be afraid.
Vivian invites herself into Arthur’s bed, bouncing down onto the foot of it and then crawling up beside him. “Now, my dearest, darlingest prince, haven’t you missed me? I know I’ve missed you! Why, I haven’t thought of anything else in absolute years! And do you know, for the first several months after our cruel parting, all I did was mope. Mope, mope, mope. Very prettily, mind you, but still! It got so boring! ‘When will Arthur come to me? When will my love remember me?’ and so on and so forth. I got very good at doing this.”
She sighs dramatically and swoons onto Arthur’s shoulder, draping a hand over her forehead.
Arthur scrambles out away from her and nearly topples off the bed.
“Not a very substantial shoulder there, is it?” Vivian says, wrinkling her nose judgmentally at Arthur’s shoulder.
Merlin snorts.
Arthur massages his shoulder, offended, while Vivian continues her monologue. “But then I realized I was going about it all wrong. Love isn’t about waiting around for your happy ending to happen to you! You have to go out and grab it with your bare and perfectly manicured hands!!” She mimes grabbing the air. Violently. Arthur flinches. “And so I spent a year training with my father’s knights; they were a little reluctant at first, but they learned early on not to cross me! Do you know, people are forever learning not to cross me. Hmm. Isn’t that funny? Anyway. You—” Vivian pokes Arthur’s nose, “—are my happy ending, Arthur Pendragon, and here I am! Grabbing you!”
And she does grab him. Enthusiastically.
“You can’t just grab me,” Arthur protests futilely, trying to escape. “I’m prince of Camelot. I have responsibilities in this kingdom that demand my foremost attention. I’m going to be king one day!”
“And I’m going to be queeeeeen!” Vivian sings right into his ear, up until Arthur clamps a hand over it.
“Vivian, I assure you, I’m deeply flattered, but I simply cannot reciprocate your feelings,” Arthur says firmly. “I sort of have a ...”
“AHEM, AHEM, AHEM,” Merlin says, doing his best to produce a sudden coughing fit. There’s no way bringing Gwen into this situation is a good idea.
Luckily, Arthur realizes the same thing. “... vow. Not to fall in love until I’ve ... become the best person I can be.” Merlin winces at the lousy excuse, and Arthur replies with a Well, what should I have said, genius? expression that’s frankly a little offensive.
“You can claim not to love me all you like,” Vivian says, untroubled. “It doesn’t change the fact that you’re coming with me. You’ll realize how much you love me in time! Either way, we’re getting married as soon as we possibly can. We must get started on our little blonde babies!”
“You can’t just kidnap a prince,” Arthur protests.
“Oh, but I’m pretty sure I can,” Vivian replies.
Arthur springs out of bed and assumes a defensive stance. “I warn you, my lady. I’ve been trained to kill since birth.”
Merlin groans inwardly. You’d think he would have come up with a new line by now.
“Well, you certainly haven’t been trained to flirt,” Vivian replies, unimpressed.
“Hey!” Arthur frowns. “You said you loved me.”
“I do love you. Always and forever, madly, dizzyingly, with the pure bold fire of a thousand suns.” She pauses to look Arthur up and down, her nose scrunching up disdainfully. “But I’m not an idiot.”
Arthur looks rather affronted.
“You’re coming with me and that’s that,” Vivian finishes perkily.
“I will not hurt you, Princess,” Arthur says, a warning in his voice.
“No,” Vivian agrees, “you won’t,” and hoists Arthur up over her shoulder like it’s the easiest thing in the world.
Merlin knows this isn’t the time for delighted laughter, but. Well.
Meanwhile, Arthur flails. “What? What are you – this is just – hey! Put me down!”
“Nope,” Vivian says serenely. “If you’re going to behave like a child, then I’m going to treat you like one.”
“Why—are—you—so—strong—? And where are all the guards? Guards!!”
“Where true love is involved, a girl can do anything. Including incapacitate one silly little group of knights. Now come along, darling! We’ve got to find the perfect place to be married. Not here, obviously. I’m still bored from my last visit to your sad little kingdom.”
“You mean the visit where you met me, your true love, and your life was forever altered?” Arthur asks rather blandly. “You were bored then?”
Vivian is unaffected. “Your castle is very drafty.”
“Fine,” Arthur says after a long time. “I will go with you peacefully, and not because I’m afraid of you.”
“You’re a little afraid,” Vivian says knowingly.
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Am not—” Arthur realizes just what he’s up to, gives up the competition, and says, “At least let me bring Merlin.”
“What’s Merlin?” Vivian asks. Judging by the look on her face, she doesn’t have very high expectations.
“He’s Merlin.” Arthur points. “My servant.”
Vivian throws over a long, scrutinizing gaze. Despite himself Merlin starts to feel nervous.
“All right,” she says at last with an unimpressed shrug. “But I hope you know his ears are rather big.”
“Believe me, I know,” Arthur says gravely. Merlin makes a face at him. “Would you, er. Be so kind as to set me down so I can dress, please?”
“If you insist,” Vivian sighs, lowering him. “But I get to watch.” She giggles gleefully.
Arthur stares up at the ceiling like he’s begging it to pull him up out of the situation at hand. The ceiling does not oblige.
Sighing, Arthur commands, “Merlin, get me a fresh pair of socks.”
“Um,” Merlin says. “About that ...”
And so a new adventure begins, with no clean socks to speak of.
Chapter 2 - the adventure continues!
