Shameless, shameless theivery from "How I Met Your Mother," but I feel that it's warranted. <3
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"Doctor, I am not entering into a slap bet with you on this."
The Doctor visibly wilted at this. "Oh come on! Why not? I've never gotten to do one before, and I hear it's great fun for the whole family!" He chanced an appealing glance at Amy, who grinned and backed away, shaking her head and heading for the stairs.
"Hey, I've seen these things play out, and frankly I don't think either of you is equipped for the pain and disappointment of being on the receiving end of a slap bet-fueled slap. My cousins played that game once, and one of them ended up in the Emergency Room."
The Doctor worried a little at this, then brightened. "But Rory's a nurse!" He tugged at his lapels, lifting his chin. "And it's not like I'm afraid of him hitting me, anyway."
"Oi!"
"I'd rather keep my husband in one piece, if you don't mind... not that I think that you could do much damage to him anyway. I can guarantee he's gotten worse from the boys back home, but like I said, when a slap bet is in play, there's no telling what could happen. The power just gets to you, and..." Amy trailed off, remembering.
Sensing a weak point, and a little hurt at Amy's perhaps correct assessment of his physical strength, the Doctor couldn't resist. "I'll make you Slap Bet Commissioner?"
Gasping in surprised delight, Amy ran down to meet the pair again. "Ooh! I love it! What are my powers?"
Rory gave her a disbelieving look. "Seriously, have you gone mad?"
The Doctor ignored him, leaning around to answer Amy, "Here's how it goes: If a problem arises and we need a ruling, that's your job. But you have to be unbiased and put the integrity of slap bet above all else. This is an honor you will take with you to your grave. On your tombstone, it will read, "Amelia Pond: caring wife, loving friend, Slap Bet Commissioner."
Lifting his face upwards as if to ask the universe "Whyyyyyy?", Rory huffed, "Is no one remembering one important thing?"
When Amy and the Doctor ceased their excitement over slap bet procedure and looked at him, he raised his eyebrows. "Isn't it obvious? Why go into a bet with a Time Lord? It's not a fair match!"
Though the Doctor looked slightly offended, Amy nodded vigorously. "Yeah! Remember that time he bet me that B*Witched sang 'Because We Want To'? And when he found out that they didn't, he tried to go back to 1997 to make it true!"
Rory directed a smirk at the accused. "So you see, I am quite unmovable on this point. No slap bet, let's forget all about it." He rubbed his hands together. "Who's up for some tea?"
Of course, the Doctor hadn't given up without one last appeal: "But Rory! Rory the Roman! Surely you won't begrudge me the chance to engage in some manly bonding with you? I'm always hanging out with girls-"
"Who slap you for real reasons rather than for sport," interjected Amy, daring him to challenge her.
"Well, there's that," he conceded. "But won't it be fun? Monty Python does it with fish! We could do that?" He gave Rory his best puppy dog eyes.
Rory appeared to think it over for a moment, glancing at Amy, and thinking of the cot in their bedroom, and what lay in it. "Oh, all right... er, no fish needed. But these are my conditions: I decide the subject of the slap bet. I'm not betting against you on something you can change. Agreed?"
The Doctor was too pleased to be wary. "Yes! Pond?"
Amy shrugged. "Sounds fair to me. Right, then! One slap goes to the winner of the bet. Any premature slaps will be punished through the judgment of the Slap Bet Commissioner, with the potential for additional slaps to be awarded should this get messy. So! Get on with it. What's the bet?"
Rory paused shaking his right arm and loosening the muscles in order to give the Doctor an assessing glance. "I bet... that you have kissed our daughter."
He had just enough time to blush before a red handprint seemed to blossom on his face out of nowhere. As the Doctor clutched his cheek, he could dimly hear Amy laughing uncontrollably. He reflected belatedly that it had probably not been the best plan to take River out on a date on Father's Day and then try to tell Rory that the holiday was on a different day...
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timeasmymeasure
Doctor Who, Eleven and Rory, Slape Diem
Date: 2011-06-22 04:19 pm (UTC)+++++++++
"Doctor, I am not entering into a slap bet with you on this."
The Doctor visibly wilted at this. "Oh come on! Why not? I've never gotten to do one before, and I hear it's great fun for the whole family!" He chanced an appealing glance at Amy, who grinned and backed away, shaking her head and heading for the stairs.
"Hey, I've seen these things play out, and frankly I don't think either of you is equipped for the pain and disappointment of being on the receiving end of a slap bet-fueled slap. My cousins played that game once, and one of them ended up in the Emergency Room."
The Doctor worried a little at this, then brightened. "But Rory's a nurse!" He tugged at his lapels, lifting his chin. "And it's not like I'm afraid of him hitting me, anyway."
"Oi!"
"I'd rather keep my husband in one piece, if you don't mind... not that I think that you could do much damage to him anyway. I can guarantee he's gotten worse from the boys back home, but like I said, when a slap bet is in play, there's no telling what could happen. The power just gets to you, and..." Amy trailed off, remembering.
Sensing a weak point, and a little hurt at Amy's perhaps correct assessment of his physical strength, the Doctor couldn't resist. "I'll make you Slap Bet Commissioner?"
Gasping in surprised delight, Amy ran down to meet the pair again. "Ooh! I love it! What are my powers?"
Rory gave her a disbelieving look. "Seriously, have you gone mad?"
The Doctor ignored him, leaning around to answer Amy, "Here's how it goes: If a problem arises and we need a ruling, that's your job. But you have to be unbiased and put the integrity of slap bet above all else. This is an honor you will take with you to your grave. On your tombstone, it will read, "Amelia Pond: caring wife, loving friend, Slap Bet Commissioner."
Lifting his face upwards as if to ask the universe "Whyyyyyy?", Rory huffed, "Is no one remembering one important thing?"
When Amy and the Doctor ceased their excitement over slap bet procedure and looked at him, he raised his eyebrows. "Isn't it obvious? Why go into a bet with a Time Lord? It's not a fair match!"
Though the Doctor looked slightly offended, Amy nodded vigorously. "Yeah! Remember that time he bet me that B*Witched sang 'Because We Want To'? And when he found out that they didn't, he tried to go back to 1997 to make it true!"
Rory directed a smirk at the accused. "So you see, I am quite unmovable on this point. No slap bet, let's forget all about it." He rubbed his hands together. "Who's up for some tea?"
Of course, the Doctor hadn't given up without one last appeal: "But Rory! Rory the Roman! Surely you won't begrudge me the chance to engage in some manly bonding with you? I'm always hanging out with girls-"
"Who slap you for real reasons rather than for sport," interjected Amy, daring him to challenge her.
"Well, there's that," he conceded. "But won't it be fun? Monty Python does it with fish! We could do that?" He gave Rory his best puppy dog eyes.
Rory appeared to think it over for a moment, glancing at Amy, and thinking of the cot in their bedroom, and what lay in it. "Oh, all right... er, no fish needed. But these are my conditions: I decide the subject of the slap bet. I'm not betting against you on something you can change. Agreed?"
The Doctor was too pleased to be wary. "Yes! Pond?"
Amy shrugged. "Sounds fair to me. Right, then! One slap goes to the winner of the bet. Any premature slaps will be punished through the judgment of the Slap Bet Commissioner, with the potential for additional slaps to be awarded should this get messy. So! Get on with it. What's the bet?"
Rory paused shaking his right arm and loosening the muscles in order to give the Doctor an assessing glance. "I bet... that you have kissed our daughter."
He had just enough time to blush before a red handprint seemed to blossom on his face out of nowhere. As the Doctor clutched his cheek, he could dimly hear Amy laughing uncontrollably. He reflected belatedly that it had probably not been the best plan to take River out on a date on Father's Day and then try to tell Rory that the holiday was on a different day...