I loved your narrative. There are tiny moments you include that are very observant and revealing. "[Jess'] bag of books in his left hand and Rory's bag in his right." Lovely!
Your characterization of Jess is great as well ("I can't tell whether you're being sarcastic or not." "Yeah, me either.") and Rory's dialogue is very much... Rory. The banter is adorable.
More incoherent thoughts: "... in its own special Jess way." Very much in character. and it's really nice that they discussed R+J, which in some ways reflects Jess/Rory's relationship as they're just kids here... Young, untainted and naive. I love how you've echoed this towards the start as well. ("...when you're young and happy and madly in like.") Great writing! I loved this! Keep up the fantastic work.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-07-17 03:39 am (UTC)Your characterization of Jess is great as well ("I can't tell whether you're being sarcastic or not." "Yeah, me either.") and Rory's dialogue is very much... Rory. The banter is adorable.
More incoherent thoughts: "... in its own special Jess way." Very much in character. and it's really nice that they discussed R+J, which in some ways reflects Jess/Rory's relationship as they're just kids here... Young, untainted and naive. I love how you've echoed this towards the start as well. ("...when you're young and happy and madly in like.") Great writing! I loved this! Keep up the fantastic work.