nina/lily; pg-13; dance my way under the wires (into your wired heart)
One of them is drunk, and it isn't Nina.
She's just - she's just lightheaded, but it's been a while since she has eaten, so this probably explains that. She's not an anorexic or anything -- her mother's mouth, set in a straight line, "Don't be silly, honey!" --, she's just not hungry. It happens, okay? She has work, anyway. Eating just isn't a priority. She's dealing with it just fine, thank you (like she's dealing with Lily's laugh, and the curve of her throat that smells like caramel, and her arms, and her hair, and her - God).
"Come on," Lily says, a wicked smile tucked at the corner of her mouth, "relax."
She grips Nina's shoulders, her knuckles pressing against Nina's skin, and it takes all she has for Nina not to bolt, not to wrench herself from these prying hands.
"No," Nina says, her teeth clenched. She's a castle, she thinks like a mantra, running on a loop in her head. She's impregnable.
"Come," Lily repeats. She smells like alcohol. Nina wonders if she would taste like it, too.
"I'm leaving," Nina says, putting her coat on. Her tongue presses against the back of her teeth a little frantically, pushing as though it were trying to dislodge them.
"Don't," Lily says, a hand closing at the nape of Nina's neck in one swift, practiced gesture. Sometimes Nina forgets she's a dancer too.
"Good night, Lily," Nina says. She feels ridiculous as soon as the words are out of her mouth, but she doesn't look back, keeps her back straight and walks out.
She feels more that she hears Lily's answering laugh. She shakes her shoulders a little to get rid of it when it crawls up her shoulders, trying to be inconspicuous. She fails at both.
*
This isn't a fall.
Nina doesn't fall, never has, never will. This is not a fall. This is not a fall.
Maybe if she says it enough, it'll be true.
"Come on, get up," Lily says, and holds her hand out to help Nina stand up. Nina feels fuzzy-headed; she wonders how you can hate someone who hasn't done anything to you so fucking much.
"I don't need your help," she snaps. She doesn't. She's a dancer. She can manage to stand up on a twisted ankle, even if the feeling of her bones sliding against each other sends a wave of nausea skyrocketing in her diaphragm every time she moves.
Lily draws her hand back. "You do," she says. If Nina didn't know better, she'd think she was calm, maybe even sensible.
Nina wobbles to her dressing room, trying to ignore the eyes boring into her back. She collapses in a chair; her body is whispering things that buzz madly in her mind, but she screws her eyes shut and tries to block them out, tries not to let them overwhelm her.
*
She doesn't know how Lily got in, but she has to leave.
"You have to leave," she says, nails catching in a cavity in the wood of the table and almost breaking.
Lily looks up at her, her eyes molten dirt and she looks so human. Looking this human is probably a crime somewhere, and Nina probably belongs in this somewhere. She doesn't belong here, that's for sure.
"No," Lily says fiercely, the tips of her teeth peeking from under her lips. She has nice teeth. Very white.
"Why?" Nina whispers. She doesn't understand.
Lily looks up at her again, her palms spread open on Nina's thighs, kneeling in front of her. She doesn't say anything.
"Why?" Nina repeats softly. Her heart is beating so hard she's a little concerned it's going to leap out of her chest.
Oh well, she thinks before falling in the darkness, it will be one less thing to take care of. And weight loss is always a good thing.
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One of them is drunk, and it isn't Nina.
She's just - she's just lightheaded, but it's been a while since she has eaten, so this probably explains that. She's not an anorexic or anything -- her mother's mouth, set in a straight line, "Don't be silly, honey!" --, she's just not hungry. It happens, okay? She has work, anyway. Eating just isn't a priority. She's dealing with it just fine, thank you (like she's dealing with Lily's laugh, and the curve of her throat that smells like caramel, and her arms, and her hair, and her - God).
"Come on," Lily says, a wicked smile tucked at the corner of her mouth, "relax."
She grips Nina's shoulders, her knuckles pressing against Nina's skin, and it takes all she has for Nina not to bolt, not to wrench herself from these prying hands.
"No," Nina says, her teeth clenched. She's a castle, she thinks like a mantra, running on a loop in her head. She's impregnable.
"Come," Lily repeats. She smells like alcohol. Nina wonders if she would taste like it, too.
"I'm leaving," Nina says, putting her coat on. Her tongue presses against the back of her teeth a little frantically, pushing as though it were trying to dislodge them.
"Don't," Lily says, a hand closing at the nape of Nina's neck in one swift, practiced gesture. Sometimes Nina forgets she's a dancer too.
"Good night, Lily," Nina says. She feels ridiculous as soon as the words are out of her mouth, but she doesn't look back, keeps her back straight and walks out.
She feels more that she hears Lily's answering laugh. She shakes her shoulders a little to get rid of it when it crawls up her shoulders, trying to be inconspicuous. She fails at both.
*
This isn't a fall.
Nina doesn't fall, never has, never will. This is not a fall. This is not a fall.
Maybe if she says it enough, it'll be true.
"Come on, get up," Lily says, and holds her hand out to help Nina stand up. Nina feels fuzzy-headed; she wonders how you can hate someone who hasn't done anything to you so fucking much.
"I don't need your help," she snaps. She doesn't. She's a dancer. She can manage to stand up on a twisted ankle, even if the feeling of her bones sliding against each other sends a wave of nausea skyrocketing in her diaphragm every time she moves.
Lily draws her hand back. "You do," she says. If Nina didn't know better, she'd think she was calm, maybe even sensible.
Nina wobbles to her dressing room, trying to ignore the eyes boring into her back. She collapses in a chair; her body is whispering things that buzz madly in her mind, but she screws her eyes shut and tries to block them out, tries not to let them overwhelm her.
*
She doesn't know how Lily got in, but she has to leave.
"You have to leave," she says, nails catching in a cavity in the wood of the table and almost breaking.
Lily looks up at her, her eyes molten dirt and she looks so human. Looking this human is probably a crime somewhere, and Nina probably belongs in this somewhere. She doesn't belong here, that's for sure.
"No," Lily says fiercely, the tips of her teeth peeking from under her lips. She has nice teeth. Very white.
"Why?" Nina whispers. She doesn't understand.
Lily looks up at her again, her palms spread open on Nina's thighs, kneeling in front of her. She doesn't say anything.
"Why?" Nina repeats softly. Her heart is beating so hard she's a little concerned it's going to leap out of her chest.
Oh well, she thinks before falling in the darkness, it will be one less thing to take care of. And weight loss is always a good thing.
*