This was a great narrative- much more relatable than anything SMeyer ever threw out there.
My only concrit I would give is the over-use of the word 'like.' It was kinda driving me crazy. :) Teenage girls do tend to use it a lot (I did sort of) but every other sentence seemed to have it in there and I got distracted by it.
Other than that- AWESOME! This was my favorite line:
'Because, like, whatever, she’s sure a catch, she’s just great at, like, stammering and making casseroles and falling over. Don’t trip over each other while you’re lining up there, Every Guy Ever.'
This was how Bella SHOULD'VE FELT about herself. You don't get too much insight on how she feels about herself in the books if you think about it. Just that she feels inadequate next to the 'breathtaking' Edward. Blegh to that.
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My only concrit I would give is the over-use of the word 'like.' It was kinda driving me crazy. :) Teenage girls do tend to use it a lot (I did sort of) but every other sentence seemed to have it in there and I got distracted by it.
Other than that- AWESOME! This was my favorite line:
'Because, like, whatever, she’s sure a catch, she’s just great at, like, stammering and making casseroles and falling over. Don’t trip over each other while you’re lining up there, Every Guy Ever.'
This was how Bella SHOULD'VE FELT about herself. You don't get too much insight on how she feels about herself in the books if you think about it. Just that she feels inadequate next to the 'breathtaking' Edward. Blegh to that.
I hope you continue writing fics like this!!