"Oh, no," Wesley says, "that was just American Mother's Day. In England, it's not 'til June. And we call it Womb'oween."

BAHAHAHA OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU. THIS WAS MY FAVORITE OF ALL TIME.

AND THIS:

"You do realize that this sandwich is disgusting? When I informed the bloke behind the counter that I wanted meatball, tuna, and corned beef packed onto the same bread, I thought I was going to get thrown out of the shoppe." She can hear the extra '-pe.'

"GIVE ME THE SANDWICH, GOLLUM."

SO PERFECT SO PERFECT. Thank you for writing this! I have saved it to to reread forever and for always.